Woman Elects to Die Rather Than Vote for Clinton or Trump

Given the choice to vote for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election, one woman heroically chose death.

by Joey Clark

It should be common knowledge to any thinking and respectable person that there are far worse things than one’s own death—the passing of a loved one, being tortured endlessly, or receiving a formal education to name a few—but in the year of our lord 2016, we the living are now faced with the fresh hell of presidential politics.

The presidential election has presumably come down to a contest between Donald John Trump and Hillary Rodham Clinton, and many voters are now courting the icy kiss of death to escape from this horrid spectacle.

I have certainly found myself suicidal in the morning while pondering this election, but after a dose of caffeine, my lethal thoughts usually subside. Yes, this election has been painful to behold, downright torturous at times, yet I still find pleasure in this pain. Whatever this says about me, I’ll let you be the judge, but while masochistic cynics like me merely flirt at death’s doorstep, some voters have consummated their relationship and passed on to the other side.


One such woman was Mary Anne Noland. A saucy minx of caregiver, she was a loving mother and grandmother with a wicked sense of sardonic wit. But as Mrs. Noland’s obituary reads, the prospect of voting for Trump or Clinton was just to much for her God-fearing heart.

As CNN reports:

“Faced with the prospect of voting for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, Mary Anne Noland of Richmond chose, instead, to pass into the eternal love of God,” the obituary reads.
Her husband Jim Noland told NBC12 that one of her sons wrote the obituary and it was meant as a joke, a way for her family to continue her sense of humor.
All joking aside, may you rest in peace Mary Anne Noland. I would have loved to meet someone with the ability to laugh at death and politics in such a fancy-free manner.
You can read her full obituary here.

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