Can You Imagine Living with Tomi Lahren?

Conservative commentator Tomi Lahren has become quite the viral video star as of late; below you can see her in action, exercising her 1st Amendment rights — if you’re into that sort of thing.

This time around she is going off on Colin Kaepernick, the San Francisco 49ers quarterback who refused to stand for the National Anthem, setting off a firestorm of controversy on the Interwebs. Spoiler alert: she doesn’t like him. In that opinion she is joined by millions of fantasy football players who had him on their team last year.

Tomi has all the makings of an Internet star: she’s hot, blonde, loud and has an undeserved sense of confidence when it comes to her opinions. I’ve seen several of her videos and I’m always struck by one thought: can you imagine being her significant other?

“Did you remember to get milk? No? What, do you hate America? Do you love ISIS? Is that a burka you have wrapped around your neck? A scarf? What are you, some kind of America-hating homosexual?? Without milk the terrorists win!”

How about her verbally eviscerating you for your inadequacies in the bedroom?  “You call that foreplay! Is this supposed to be a joke, buddy? I’ve been more aroused by the Muslim call to prayer! Why don’t you sit this one out while I call in a real man to do the job, like a Marine who fought for our country and stands whenever and wherever our National Anthem is played!”

I wonder if she plays Toby Keith songs during sex? And if she played the Anthem during, should I keep going or stop and stand up? Will she beat me with back issues of National Review if I get the answer wrong? Should I yell “Black Lives Matter is a racist organization” when I climax?

Considering the fact that the video below has almost 30 million views as of this writing, what I’m saying may seem like jealousy…and it is! I could be hot, blonde and annoying too but health care prices in this country are outrageous and Obamacare doesn’t cover sex-change operations yet.

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