USDA Demands Llama Owners Get License Before Putting Them On TV

The Fast and the Furry-ous Halted by the USDA

By R. Brownell

The llama dash which captivated the nation on February 26th introduced America’s newest animal celebrities, Kahkneeta and Laney. Sadly, like Joss Whedon’s single season of “Firefly” or the failure to launch “Amazing Spider-Man” series by Sony, these two llamas were shot down before they could reach their prime. No, not literally shot like Ol’ Yeller or hacked to death like those dolphins in Japan. These two livestock pals have been targeted by the USDA because of a licensing loophole which will prevent them from ever getting a hashtag or news appearance again.

The owners of the two rowdy llamas, Bob and Karen Bullis, were contacted in March by the US Department of Agriculture, after someone in Washington saw the headline news about the ruckus occurring in Tucson. The reasons for the USDA’s sudden interest in persecuting the owners is still currently unknown; as of now, all Bob and Karen were told was that in order to show the llamas on TV, or profit in any way in which the llamas are used publicly, they would require a special license allowing them to market the llamas for show or special events. Until such a license is received, the two were told to cease and desist all further public activities.

This sudden threat to the llamas owners quickly destroyed all plans they had to use the llamas for therapy and educational purposes.  The worst part of this situation is that the USDA at the state and federal level has refused to comment on the matter, and has not responded to any of the couple’s calls or emails requesting a meeting or conference.

The issue at hand is the basic principle of property rights and cooperation in the market. If I have a dog and a friend of mine has a bird, what is stopping us from buying a plot of land and calling it a zoo? whether or not people come to visit my one dog, one bird zoo, how the hell is that any of the government’s business? We aren’t forcing anyone to spend money there. Besides, if a local news station wants to come by and interview my friend and I about our eclectic pet project, what’s to stop them?

Think about all the cat videos that inhabit YouTube,  what would happen if the USDA contacted all those cat owners and said “you can’t make a T-shirt with Grumpy Cat! You need a license!” It’s my cat! If some school teacher wants my furry YouTube celebrity to visit a local class, its my call to make, if the USDA is going to fine me for not getting a license to show off my cat on the internet, they might as well pick up the vet bill and all the other costs of taking care of it if they care that much.

What comes next in Bill and Karen’s USDA fight is still unfolding, but the question must be asked, if we need a license to do anything for profit with our property (living or material), who really owns it? The property owner or the Government?

Leave a Comment