Senator Lindsey Graham has suspended is his 2016 bid for the White House
by Joey Clark
[dropcap size=small]L[/dropcap]indsey Graham is a man known for many things–his peach fuzz South Carolina drawl, his humble beginnings whereby he was reared in his daddy’s pool hall listening to the clickety-clackety-clack of the balls, his notorious bachelorhood about which Senator Mark Kirk was caught on a hot-mic saying Graham was a “bro with no ho,” and his ongoing bromance with fellow war-monger and Senator, John McCain. But Graham was never really known as a man who could be president one day. And on that note, Lindsey Graham has now decided to suspend his campaign for the 2016 Presidential election.
Graham’s entry into the 2016 race never seemed quite right; he always came across as the “cat on a hot tin roof” of the GOP race. Souding more like Tennessee Williams’ Maggie rather than Big Daddy, his Presidential aspirations lived up to this line, “What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?—I wish I knew… Just staying on it, I guess, as long as she can…”
Graham’s chances at being a major voice in the party were androgynous at best while his eventual nomination for president always seemed akin to a little girl’s farcical fairy tale. But Graham kept “staying on it” as long as he could, playing the fanciful farce well.
On the campaign trail, he suggested “we need to drink more in Washington D.C.” and that he wasn’t afraid of “a guy riding around on his horse without a shirt.” He also proclaimed, “I’m tired of beating on Bush.”
Perhaps the most memorable incident was when, after calling Donald Trump “the world’s biggest jackass,” Trump put out Linsey Graham’s cell phone number to the public for all to call.
Representing the neo-conservative wing of the GOP, Graham was always true to his cause, calling for more troop deployments in the Middle-East and further provocations with Russia.
In his farewell address, Graham makes the true reason for his campaign clear, “to turn back the tide of isolationism that was rising in our party,” going on to say, “I am far more confident today that our party will reject the Obama doctrine of leading from behind.”
Well, on that note, I must defer to Senator Graham’s expertise. Considering his form of “leadership” in the GOP primary this cycle with his persistently abysmal showing in the 2016 polls, I am open to the suggestion that nobody in the Republican party knows what “leading from behind” is all about better than Senator Lindsey Graham.
And so, au revoir Senator Graham! After years of your bloody war policies and your failed bid to be President, let us bury your campaign in the great American electoral graveyard. May it be etched into your campaign’s headstone, another quote for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof:
And so tonight we’re going to make the lie true, and when that’s done, I’ll bring the liquor back here and we’ll get drunk together, here, tonight, in this place that death has come into…
