New Study Shows Gay Marriage Releases Particles Dubbed ‘Gaytrinos’
By: Ryan Carrillo
[dropcap size=small]I[/dropcap]nvestigators are continuing to make progress in understanding how gay marriage affects society. A new study found that when certain conditions are met newly discovered particles dubbed ‘gaytrinos‘ can create a ‘gaydiation‘ field. This field creates interference with surrounding waves of the same frequency and can cause individuals that identify as straight to become attracted to the same sex. This finding is key to discovering why rates of heterosexual marriage continue to decline in countries that have legalized gay marriage.
Homosexuals have been shown to have large naturally occurring concentrations of gaytrinos. These are mass-less particles possessing fabulous spin properties. It has been found that the interaction between two gaytrinos creates a strong attractive force between like objects. As the particles collide the resultant turmoil makes such interactions highly promiscuous. However, when two particles share the exact same frequency they may settle down into a lower energy state by marrying. The gay marriage becomes stable as the excess energy is released in the resultant gaydiation field.
Methodology
Detection of gaytrinos is performed by a multi-million dollar gaydar detector. The gaydar was first developed by renowned MIT scientist Dr. Wang and uses a complicated algorithm factoring in such characteristics as voice inflection, mannerisms, excitement levels, and tightness of clothing to give an accurate reading.
The study involved close to a thousand individuals giving a highly robust statistical analysis. Participants were selected by exposure levels to gaydiation and separated into study groups based on their proximity to gay marriage. Group 1 either lived with a gay couple or were close neighbours. Group 2 were those exposed to married gays either through the workplace or their extended social circles. Group 3 were those whose only interaction with gay marriage was through the media or occasional encounters in public.
Previous research has linked two regions of the human genome with sexual orientation in men. The first is a region on the X chromosome called Xq28. The second region is a twist in the centre of chromosome 8 known as 8q12. It was discovered that when exposed to sustained levels of gaydiation those two genetic regions were altered in straight men mirroring the same single nucleotide polymorphisms associated with gay men. While the exact mechanism remains unknown it is thought that the gaytrinos break molecular bonds much like ionizing radiation.
Results
These changes were then correlated with far lower rates of heterosexual pair bonding in Group 1 though the same effects were seen at lower levels in both Group 2 and 3. Straight men began foregoing relationships with women in favour of more casual encounters and experimentation. Many also started to identify as bisexuals and began to desire other men. Married men were equally affected causing many heterosexual marriages in the vicinity of gaydiation to break apart.
Human rights groups are saying that government regulators should do more to protect people from harmful exposure levels of gaytrino emissions. However, activists from the LGBTTQQIAAP community are quick to stress that such research only serves to propagate hateful stereotypes. Governor Mike Pence of Indiana says the research is promising and that he and his staff are “busy writing a bill that safeguards the public from gaydiation exposure.”
When asked about what the results may mean, research study leader Johann Von Hoffer of the Zoological Research Institute in Indianapolis, Indiana said “This paper adds to a growing body of evidence that challenges the notion that sexual orientation is a choice.” Von Hoffer added, “There is much more work to be done in fully characterizing the pathway before we can even think about developing a cure.”
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