Disarming The Idiocy of “Cocks, Not Glocks” and Anti-Gun Activism

By: Jenna Ranger

The birth of the “Cocks, not Glocks” movement:

While Jessica Jin was sitting in traffic listening to the radio, she heard some men talking about how stripping people’s rights after a shooting is not the answer to the problem. This made her think: “what a bunch of dildos.” And so, “cocks, not glocks” was born. Commence eye rolling.

The Campus carry bill:

The campus carry bill is what led to the “cocks not glocks” movement, where seemingly mentally-ill sorority girls can be seen slapping themselves in the face with twelve-inch rubber cocks, in protest of constitutional gun rights. The bill was signed into law in June 2015 by Texas governor Greg Abbott, and went into effect August 1, 2016. The bill “extends the rights of gun owners” to carry concealed handguns on campus. While carrying on campus has been allowed for the past 20 years, according to the student handbook, firearms have never been allowed inside buildings on campus, until now. According to these “activists,” their main concern is that sexual assault will increase, with more students carrying.
So let’s look at some really fun stats.

Sexual assault/Rape statistics:

According to the Department of Justice, sexual assault and rape has decreased a whopping 74% since 1993, from 4.3 assaults per 1000 people in 1993, to 1.1 per 1000 people in 2014.

55% occurred at or near the victim’s home (that does not include college dorms), 15% occurred in an open public place (outside), 12% occurred near a relative’s home, 10% occurred in an enclosed parking area like a parking garage, and 8% occurred on school property.

48% of victims were sleeping or doing some other activity at home, 29% of victims were commuting to work, school or other activities, 12% were working, 7% were attending school, and 5% we’re doing some other unknown activity.

While 9 out of every 10 victims of sexual assault are female, you would think that these women would want to arm themselves with something more than a dildo, but I digress.

This “movement” is really a protest against your constitutional rights:

Rosie Zander, the campus coordinator at UT, is quoted saying “We are protesting guns on campus because it is illegal to have this bad boy” gesturing to the 12 inch long, 6 inch thick, black rubber cock she is resting her chin on, “to class but you can bring a gun? That’s absurd!”
What’s really absurd, Rosie, is that you’re a history major, and a government minor, and you’re still this ignorant to constitutional rights, but again, I digress.

Some professors at UT have said they’re not worried about their own safety, they’re concerned for their students learning, and being distracted by the fact that there may or may not be a gun in the room.
What is really more distracting? A citizen possibly exercising their constitutional rights, and being able to protect you? Or a giant red dick in your face hanging from the backpack of the person in front of you?
A more important question: Why should any student have to be in fear that a shooter could come into their school, and KILL THEM, knowing they would be defenseless because they didn’t want to get in trouble by breaking these arbitrary “no gun” rules?

According to Rosie, “they have proven that sexual assaults… um… they increase… when guns are readily available.”
Who is “they?” How did “they” come to this conclusion? According to the CDC and the CRS, the number of privately owned fire arms went up 56% from 1993-2013 and gun related homicides went down 46% in that time. Let’s not forget sexual assault and rape going down 74% in that same time frame. Coincidence? I think not, Rosie.

UT’s campus coordinator was also quoted saying “strap your vibrators to your backpacks, they are arming themselves, so are we.” As if a person wanting to protect themselves is something to fear, and what exactly are you arming yourself with? Dildos and vibrators? How is that going to possibly protect you in a case of a possible sexual assault, rape or a school shooting?
Do you think throwing a rubber dildo at a shooter or someone who intends to rape you will stop them? No, but you know what will?
A bullet.