DC Stunner: Obama Keeps Campaign Promise

By Drew Rush

In a stunning April 1st development, Barack Obama has kept a campaign promise.

When asked about the event, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest commented that “although the President has been found writing campaign promises on pieces of paper, crumpling them up, and delivering them to the trash with his sweet, sweet baby hook shot, today he thought he would mix it up a little and actually do something he said he’d do.”

There were gasps among the press corps as Mr. Earnest delivered the news.

House Speaker John Boehner claimed to have been both baffled and weepy-eyed when hearing about the kept promise. He was alone in his office eating a bowl of ice cream and thinking about his grandmother when the phone rang.

“The phone rang so I put down my spoon. It’s John McCain. He’s angry as hell talking about how he wants to punch Obama in the stomach or maybe even the nose for keeping his promise. He began yelling that Rubio is definitely not as hot as his wife but probably is hotter than his daughter. ”

Mr. Boehner noted that Mr. McCain became crazed and incoherent at this point and bit through his phone thus ending the call.

Democrats in and around the Capitol were supportive of the President’s decision.

“Again we have another historic moment from our first black president,” proclaimed Senator Elizabeth Warren as a clearly intoxicated Vice President Joe “I Own All This Shit” Biden tried to slip his hand around her waist.

“I know I couldn’t do it, so you really have to give the man respect,” suggested soon-to-retire Senate Minority Leader One-Eyed Willy. “If there’s anything this town shows you, it’s that you don’t have to keep your promises to get ahead, but as long as you throw the people a few breadcrumbs every once in a while, they’ll think you’re a hero.”

Indeed, at the time of publishing, community organizers around America are posting to forums encouraging people to skip out on work (because screw those dirty capitalists anyway) and have Obama rallies to celebrate the President’s decision.

[divider]Update #1:[/divider]

After further investigation it appears the president never actually made the promise during his two presidential campaigns.

[divider]Update #2:[/divider]

Liberals and the president’s support base don’t care and are still celebrating the kept promise.

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