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Dear United States Government: Stimulate This.
Earlier this week, Congress shat out a grotesque log of legislation so smelly that it temporarily unified the left and right in horrified disgust. If you were expecting government goodies in your Christmas stocking, you got a big fat poo from Uncle Sam in there instead. (Spoiler alert: that’s no Baby Ruth bar.) The Consolidated…
T.S. Eliot is Wrong. February is the Cruelest Month
“I am so sick of February. It’s the shortest month but it sure doesn’t feel that way.” -Toby Flenderson, “The Office” I’ve never much cared for native St. Louisan T.S. Eliot. Come to think of it, I’ve never cared much for any modernist poets or modern “artists.” The only class I ever dropped in college…
These are The Top 5 Presidential Scandals of All Time
1. Richard Nixon and the Watergate Scandal Richard Nixon broke the mold on the usual Republican presidential scandals. He was not caught trying to make money off the government like the Republican wrongdoers before him, nor was he unfaithful to his wife, along the lines of the Democratic tradition of presidential scandals. Instead, Nixon was…
TSA Saves Airline Passengers from Vicious Bear Attack
by Ian Tartt Travelers can rest easily this holiday season. The Los Angeles TSA recently stopped a potential threat: a giant teddy bear. Even though the TSA missed fake weapons carried by undercover agents about 95% of the time, it’s good to know it is ever vigilant against the real threats to our safety….
This Cat Looks Like Adolf Hitler
Move over Grumpy Cat. You’ve got some competition for the meanest looking cat on the Internet. A Russian uploader sent in a video of their cat which bears a striking resemblance to the socialist dictator of Germany. Despite this feline’s obvious ties to national socialism, we at TLR have always believed that: Cats Are Libertarians,…
Dead Cat Invited to Register to Vote in Coming Election
Woman’s dead cat was asked to register to vote… Voter fraud, or poor mailing list maintenance? By Brittni Kates Follow Brittni on Twitter, Like Brittni on Facebook Phyllis Metcalfe’s cat, PiWacket (Pi for short), was sent an application to register to vote earlier this month. To make things that much more strange, Pi passed away last year. It…