Political Comedy

5 Date Ideas for Libertarian Lovers

By: Laura Meyers

Dating can be hard. What should you wear? Where should you go? What if the other person smells bad? What if you smell bad? But you know when dating get’s really hard? Monetary policy. So, if and when you find your liberty-loving soulmate, it’s important to keep things fun. Here are some date ideas for all the libertarian lovers out there:

1. Host a permit-less lemonade stand

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What a better way to attest your liberty-love for your significant other than to enter into a black market, entrepreneurial endeavor together? Permit-less lemonade stands are a great start. It is also an easy way to discuss consumer and market trends while making thirsty, little kids in the neighborhood happy. Unless of course, you’re competing with their lemonade stand. In that case, don’t close up shop, the little ones gotta understand free market competition sometime.

2. Play strip poker on your front porch

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Test the limits of your private property and get naked. Yeah, people will probably see you. And yeah, some do-good citizen will call the cops on you, but where’s the fun without a little civil disobedience? And if she can maintain a good pokerface while topless, you know she’s a keeper.

3. Teepee your local park

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What do we pay park rangers for anyways? After the sun goes down, channel your inner angsty teenager and buy bulks of generic brand toilet paper at the dollar store. Head to the nearest public park in your best ninja outfits, and try to teepee the entire park without getting arrested. And if you do go to jail, then you can spend the night together locked up. That romantic for libertarians, right? It’s not a violation of property rights since we all own it right? If you get arrested, you both can use the opportunity to explain to the officers and the community the problem of the “Tragedy of the Commons.”

4. Role play like commies

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Pretend like you’ve never met before, and “meet for the first time” in a bar… as commies, neocons, authoritarian liberals, whatever you’re into. One of you can be a campaign staffer for Bernie Sanders and the other can be working on your Master’s degree in Women’s Studies. What kind of pickup lines would socialists like? “Hey girl, if you were a vegetable you’d be GMO-free cute-cumber.” I don’t know, I’m not good at this. But it might be especially fun if you’re in to domination to play dictator dominatrix and be like… baby I’m gonna regulate your eggs before I fertilize them! Maybe I’m better at this than I thought?

5. Nerf wars

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Grab a few other libertarian couples and head to the park with Nerf guns and plenty of squishy ammunition. Divide into boys vs. girls or statists vs. anarchists, and fight to the metaphorical death. Or until you’re forced to explain the difference between real and toy guns to your local police officer. Just don’t get shot by a cop.

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