Opinions Political Comedy

I, the Individual: A New Constitution for the “Me” Generation

The ‘Me’ Generation is a term pitched around to describe Millennials. However, the ‘Me’ mentality is not a generation; it is an ever-increasing mindset in our country, driving everything from business to politics to population sectors. This mindset transcends age, gender, and race — a singular, yet, powerful mentality fueling hate, discrimination, violence, and greed is making a mockery of our Constitution. Our founding fathers intended our country to unite, despite our differences. Hence, “We the People.”

Yet, as in so many other ways, we digress further and further away from the intent for the United States of America — the cohesive collective, standing in solidarity against opposition, is becoming a pool of divisive, intolerant factions slowly snipping the stitches holding the fabric of our great country together.

Perhaps it is time for the selfish to secede. Proposed here, is their Constitution:

I, the Individual of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Self, establish avarice, insure ego-centrism, provide for self-interest, promote the singular Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Entitlement to myself and myself only, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the singular self.

Article 1

Section 1

All decision making powers herein self-granted shall be vested in interests solely to my own pursuance of self-advancement, which shall consist of disregarding all others and holding my own views as the utmost import.

Section 2

The disregard of all others shall be comprised of feelings of self-superiority, entitlement unbound from sufficient effort, and shall not be challenged, lest it offend my delicate self-endowed sensibilities.

Section 3

No person shall opine upon me unless.

Section 4

As my own beliefs are of the utmost import, it remains imperative for all others to refrain from argument, application of reason, or implementation of logic, for my views are unyielding and unwavering in the face of such affronts.

Section 5

The people shall assemble regularly to reaffirm my superiority, lest I become insecure from a drought of recognition.

Section 6

In the case of an affront such as disagreement of mine own stances, the egregious affront shall be met with over-dramatized expressions of a mortally pained posterior, smug resentment, and aspersions cast of the most foul manner toward the offender.

Article 2

Section 1

All tragedies done onto others shall neither be met with comfort, nor sympathy. Nay, these tragedies shall be molded as an impetus to further any political agenda I deem agreeable.

Section 2

I shall not be expected to assist in your strife as I witness it, as it is my duty to capture your pain on film to garner attention for myself from the masses.

Section 3

Your tragedy is subject to additional capitalizing, including the sale of trinkets and treasures ‘in memory’ of said tragedy. Your suffering can, and will, be reappointed to assist my needs

Section 4

If it is in my interest, it trumps your interests.

Section 5

Your views shall not oppose mine, nor shall your faith or sexuality differ from mine. As I am correct in my views and my faith, you shall submit to my rationale, or be at the receiving end of my ridicule, wrath, and persecution.

Any questions or concerns? Keep them to thine self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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