by Sarah Miller
Hallmark has broken into uncharted marketing waters by introducing their newest product–and just in time for Mothers Day. The company will now be packaging their Mothers Day and Fathers day cards in multi-packs of two, four, and, for the really unlucky in love, six.
We had the opportunity to speak directly with Lisa Macpherson, Hallmark’s SVP of marketing and the brains behind the new product launch. When we asked her how she came up with the idea, she stated, “This idea has been in the works ever since I had a dream about this cute lesbian girl I made out with in high school. Now, I should mention I’m not gay. I only kissed her to impress a guy at a party, but anyways …the idea came to me when I had this dream about her. My therapist thinks it’s directly linked to me and my husband’s terrible sex life, but that’s not the point here. After the dream happened, I decided to friend her on Facebook so we could catch up, and turned out she unemployed, broke, and twice divorced. From that moment on I made it my mission to insure Hallmark’s next project would involve stress reduction, functionality, and cost savings for the gay community”.
The question now is, will Hallmark’s competitors follow suit? The CEO of Papyrus, Dominigue Schurman, weighs in on the topic,: “It’s a good idea, and we hope it works out well for Hallmark. But frankly, practicality and cost savings are totally off brand for us. In addition, we just don’t feel cost savings is a major issue for the gay community.” She jokes, “ I mean, have you met any gay couples? In case you haven’t noticed, the majority of them have six-figure salaries to match their six-pack abs.”
However, it turns out Papyrus may be missing the boat on this one. During market research interviews we conducted at a local mall, we came across a straight man who plans on taking full advantage of the Mothers Day multi-packs. He informs us, “I’m thrilled about the multi-pack option. I’m a Mormon and have seven wives, so the cost savings will be huge for me.”
We also met Ms. Jones with her young children Ya’Hyness, Chanel, Lil’ Dayday, Bonquisha and Hennessy who were eager to purchase a 3 pack of Father’s Day cards, “I am happy to have something to send my babies’ daddies while they locked up. The cost saving is huge for us because Hallmark doesn’t accept food stamps”
It appears Hallmark’s SVP (Macpherson) has not only achieved her goal of providing cost savings to same-sex couples but has unintentionally managed to find a policy that the Mormons, African-Americans and gays can agree on.
We plan to respond by sending her a thank-you card.
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