Beto Drops Out of Race, Vows to Retrieve Guns Lost in Boating Accidents

After months of campaigning, Robert Francis O’Rourke has dropped out of the race for President.

When asked why, he responded with,  “My campaign really just wasn’t on the up and up, so I have decided to take my efforts and go completely under. Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under to be exact.”

When asked to clarify, Beto said “I have decided to become a scuba diver. Despite being ‘born for this’, I believe the easiest way for me to take everyone’s guns and protect schools from gun violence is to become a scuba diver.” It was never made clear if he meant educational schools, or schools of fish.

He continued with, “I have had multiple tweets come to me from proud gun owners saying that they lost their guns in a boating accident. I simply cannot allow the chance for any legally law abiding gun owning citizen to retrieve those when the Warren administration comes to take their other guns, or even when the Trump administration comes for the bump stocks.” Some of the tweets O’Rourke mentioned are below.