By: Laura Meyers
People suck sometimes. And sometimes people suck so much that we have to create jobs to prevent their suckiness from affecting other people’s non-suckiness. Does that make them suck less since they employ people as a byproduct of their suckiness?
I don’t know, but, nonetheless… they still suck.
1. Lawyers
Lawyers exist because people are jerks. If you need a lawyer, and you’re not the perp, someone or something (an entity or business, like the government, for example) has committed a crime against you, and so, the market created a job for lawyers… because of jerks.
2. Military
First, there was the asshole. Then, there was the military to protect oneself from the asshole. And then war exists between militaries because people are assholes- sometimes on both sides. Some buttwipes want conquest and need a military, some jerks want to force access to natural resources and need a military, and some losers just want to blow everybody else’s shit up and need a military. Either way you look at it, you need a military, because there’s always going to be that one guy who ruins it for everyone else.
3. Law Enforcement
Sometimes cops suck. But the only reason cops ever existed and were allowed to suck was because someone else sucked first. Unfortunately, someone has to be the enforcer when we live in a world where there are people who deserve to have law enforced upon them. And Denzel Washington can’t be everywhere at once. So thanks to the Popo for helping out. But when it comes to that speeding ticket you gave me, I think you were being the jerk in that situation. But that’s just me.
4. Social Service workers
Real jerks are the ones who don’t take care of the kiddos, the ones who hurt people who most times are incapable of defending themselves. And so, we were blessed with the social worker: the most unfortunate job to have ever been created.
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5. Counseling services
Now, sometimes counseling services exists because of people’s self-inflicted or non-preventable diseases, addictions, etc., but the services that exist as a result of buttheads, those are the worst kind of counseling services. For example, the fact that the National Sexual Assault Hotline is a thing is pretty sad. But, how cool is it that people are willing to work that kind of job and help victims of sexual violence? Maybe their grace can counteract all the pricks that are the reason for their job?