By Kitty Testa
It’s Valentine’s Day, and you don’t have a particular lady friend to share the romance of the occasion, so you head out to the bar, or the gym, or the coffee shop—anything to avoid being alone tonight. You hope you’ll run into your single friends. You’ll make snide remarks about Hallmark Holidays and talk about how much money you saved by skipping that trip to the florist. You’ll laugh it off until next year.
And then—you see her. An angel. A hottie. She turns in your direction. She smiles at you. You look behind you. There’s no one there. Yes, she smiled directly at you. But wait! What’s that on her T-Shirt? Oh, no! FEMINIST AF!
And now 120 pounds of girl power is walking toward you, batting her eyes and flipping her hair. What are you going to say?
Here are five pick-up lines that might just do the trick.
1. “Feminist AF, Huh? Cool That You’re in the Air Force. Are You a Pilot?”
This line will certainly charm the lady. There’s nothing so attractive as a man assuming she’s out there flying through glass ceilings and dog-fighting with the male stick jockeys. And she may even be tickled that you don’t know what AF stands for. (Makes you seem like a gentleman.)
2.“Would You Like to Buy a Guy a Drink?”
If she warms up to the role reversal here, great. If she rolls her eyes as if you’re a loser who can’t afford to buy a woman a drink, face palm and say, “Strike that. Reverse it. I meant to offer to buy you a drink.” Remember, feminism does have its limits.
3. “So, who was your favorite speaker at the Women’s March?”
This line has the added benefit of teasing out your deal-breaker. If she says, “Ashley Judd,” you might want to look past her hotness. If she starts reciting the Nasty Woman poem, run for your life.
4. “So, What’s Your Favorite Meryl Streep Movie?”
She’ll probably say The Devil Wears Prada, a movie about a woman who treats other women so horribly that she is likened to the Prince of Darkness. But if she says Julie and Julia you’ve at least got a shot at talking about food, or really weird goals. And if she says Sophie’s Choice or The Deerhunter, she probably understands that there’s more than one side to an issue, no matter how feminist AF she is.
5. “I’d #Killallmen for You.”
This is a risky one. The popular hashtag may be music to her ears, or she may get testy and say, “You know that was just a joke right?” She also might be turned off because the offer is really sort of creepy in a stalker sort of way, and it may ruin the humorous hashtag for her in perpetuity. That will piss her off.
So good luck out there tonight, guys. And don’t forget that nearly every woman you meet is going to be feminist to one degree or another. They’re not all scary, and they don’t all want to kill you. And you might even find a libertarian among them. Who knows? You could end the evening with the most romantic line of all: “Taxation is theft.”