2016 Voters’ Guide: The Craziest Things Presidential Candidates Have Said So Far…

This election cycle has been gloriously atrocious. At times, I haven’t been sure whether to laugh raucously or cry into a tall, stiff whiskey. If it weren’t for the fact that one of these individuals will become our next president and command the world’s largest military and nuclear arsenal, the whole thing would be hilarious.

In an effort to inform you the voter and ridicule these awful candidates, TLR has compiled for you the absolute craziest things this field of candidates has said so far. While a couple of these candidates could have their own lists, we wanted to include other candidates who are equally deserving of ridicule. We’ve included a couple old quotes from candidates that have been unearthed as a result of them running for president, such as our first example….

1. Ben Carson Says Joseph Built the Pyramids to Store Grain

Ben Carson’s ascendance was scuttled in part by a series of media reports regarding possible inconsistencies in Carson’s life story as well as some bizarre quotes. In a speech given at a 1998 Andrews University Commencement ceremony, Carson says he believes the pyramids of Egypt were built by the Bible’s Joseph to store grain. Of course, this was meant by instant criticism when the video surfaced because the theory is so divorced from facts. Most experts believe the pyramids were built as tombs.

“My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big — when you stop and think about it, and I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time — to store that much grain.”

2. Trump Wants To “Close Up” the Internet

Donald Trump is tired of people using the internet for nefarious reasons and has stated he would call up Bill Gates to “close” the internet. Being Trump, he gave no specifics on this plan, leaving many to wonder if he was talking about limiting our access to the internet, limiting under developed nations’ access to the internet, or both. Considering the follow up at the debate, I’m not sure he is certain, either.

3. Bernie Sanders Says Children Are Starving Because We Have Too Many Types of Deodorant

“You can’t just continue growth for the sake of growth in a world in which we are struggling with climate change and all kinds of environmental problems. All right? You don’t necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or of 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country. I don’t think the media appreciates the kind of stress that ordinary Americans are working on.” Reason refutes Bernie:

Sanders, of course, is mistaken on the fundamentals. Economic growth is not a goal for the sake of itself—economic growth ignited by the freeing of markets has lifted more people out of poverty in the last century than any other force in history. Choices in the market contribute that improvement of the human condition—not just because 23 choices of deodorant mean more jobs than one choice of deodorant but because in a very real sense more choices mean more wealth. Bernie Sanders and those attracted to his economically illiterate, anti-capitalist rhetoric live in a world where working conditions haven’t changed since the 19th century, where the United States is perpetually one tax or spending cut away from collapsing into Mad Max style chaos.

 

4. Hillary Clinton Feigns Ignorance On Wiping Her Emailed Server- “With a Cloth or Something?”

Playing technologically inept is all part of Hillary Clinton’s defense strategy. The woman who knew enough to setup on outside, private email server, and to hire a third party to run it, would have us believe she doesn’t understand a thing about the email related scandal she is embroiled in. When asked if she wiped her email server prior to turning it over to investigators, Hillary feigns ignorance by pretending not to know what the term “wipe” means. “With a cloth of something?”  

5. Chris Christie Will Improve Relations With Dead Jordanian King

Chris Christie says he will repair the relationship with allies like King Hussein of Jordan. The only problem is he’s going to need a time machine to do it because Hussein has been dead since 1999. The current King of Jordan is King Abdullah II.

6. Trump Condemns TPP For Benefiting China, Doesn’t Realize China Isn’t Part of the TPP

Proving once again that when it comes to specifics Donald Trump is clueless, Rand Paul had to correct the casino and real estate mogul after he went a long diatribe about how the Trans-Pacific Partnership was bad because it benefited China too much. Paul correctly pointed out that China is not part of the TPP.

7. Jeb Bush ‘I’ve Got My Big Boy Pants On’

As the GOP contest for president has gone on it has become more and more a childish game of name calling and sensationalism. Try to appear above the fray, Jeb Bush decided it was a good idea to use the language “big boy pants” when referring to his ability to take political criticism. Bush just comes across as immature while trying to imply that Donald Trump is just that.