By: R. Brownell
#1. Dan Quayle Cannot Spell “Potato”
It’s ok to have an “oops” moment every once in a while, but when you decide to have a full on mental lapse on national TV and end up getting corrected by a kid, it’s time to consider taking a vacation to clear your mind or a trip to the retirement home. During his lone term as VPOTUS, Dan Quayle tried correcting a small child’s spelling during a trip to talk about a new education reform bill. Sadly, a misspelling did take place, but it wasn’t the kid who made the grammatical error, it was Quayle…Seriously folks, how the Hell else do you spell “potato”? The gaff occurred when the VP stated to the child that “potato” was actually spelled “p-o-t-a-t-o-e” (you may go ahead and shed a tear for our future). At least Vice President Quail didn’t intentionally curse in front of the whole world like another certain VP….
#2. Uncle Joe Goes full Biden
Vice President Biden’s “big Fu$%# deal” popularly known as Obamacare has every bro and his grandma paying a F%$# ton of money for healthcare that works as well as the Obamacare website. Whether it was unintentional or just lack of concern, no one knows why Biden spoke so F$%& loudly to announce this big F$%^& deal. Sadly, this isn’t the first time good Ol’ Uncle Joe went full retard…
#3. John Kerry Forgets Iraq and All That Jazz
Hypocrisy comes in many forms, and Secretary of State John Kerry was able to highlight that hypocrisy in every way, shape, and form while discussing the occupation of Crimea, and why the shirtless, Judo chopping, bear punching wonder known as Vlad was wrong for doing so. T
he Secretary of State spoke how countries such as Russia “should not invade foreign nations on phony pretext in order to ensure your interest…” I wonder if Kerry also happened to forget about that 2004 election and that 2003 Iraq vote?
#4. George W. Bush: the Unifier of Man and Fish
Somewhere, under the sea, Nemo and Aqua Man are applauding this great man for his revolutionary vision. Bush stated during a second term speech that “man and fish can coexist peacefully…” What was the context? No one knows; But God knows that Bill Clinton would love a chance to shack up with a mermaid, after all, he already married the Kraken.
#5. The Apostle Joe
Unless Uncle Joe can heal the crippled, lame, and diseased, it is probably not very wise to play miracle worker and ask a paralyzed man to stand up and take a bow. While attending a 2008 campaign event, Biden asked a paralyzed State Senator to take a stand and wave to the audience. It’s not like Joe didn’t know the man was confined to a wheelchair though, since he was less than a few feet away from him off the stage.
#6. Obama Creates Seven New States
During his 2008 Presidential campaign, Obama showed his ability for “change” when he discussed his tour across the country and how he had successfully managed to visit all fifty-seven states, plus or minus a couple, because really? How does anyone consider Rhode Island a state? No one paid too much attention to Berry O’s blunder, Biden was too busy distracting the world by showing off his Indian call center impersonation.
#7. Sarah Palin Sees the Threat of Shirtless Putin
Momma Grizzly was a media punching bag during her run for Vice President and even a few years afterwards. As much as America still kind of likes her wholesome, ditsy, girl next door, and then kill a moose with your bare hands attitude, Palin didn’t help herself when in a 2007 interview she tried arguing for a stronger foreign policy stance. What was her rationale? “They’re our next-door neighbors, and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.”
#8. Mitt Gambles with Rick
As a libertarian, trying to like Romney in 2012 was the equivalent to trying to like store brand soda. We all really want a Pepsi, but we all know that our party guests aren’t really worth the extra five bucks. During an argument at a primary debate, Rick Perry pointed out some discrepancies in Romney’s book “No Apologies”, Romney then tried to make a joke of the matter, and bet a shit ton of money against Perry to show how confident he was about Rick being wrong. It’s sad that Mitt still wondered why he wasn’t connecting with the middle class.
#9. Dick Cheney Shoots His Friend, and Then Makes the Man Apologize For Getting Shot
In 2005, Vice President Dick Cheney got drunk on a hunting trip and shot a friend of his who he confused for a deer. Thankfully, the victim survived the dark lord’s attack and went on live TV to apologize to Dick Cheney for getting shot. It’s hard to tell who was more stupid in this situation, Dick Cheney for hunting drunk or his friend for apologizing and not pressing attempted murder charges. The smart money is on the conspiracy that Cheney blackmailed the man into apologizing, and that during the speech, had his scopes set on him in case he said something Darth Cheney wouldn’t have liked.
#10. Pelosi Becomes Supreme Retard
Pelosi said during a press release in 2010 that if Americans wanted to know what was really in the Affordable Healthcare Act, “they would have to pass the bill to learn what’s in it”. That’s the type of rhetoric you would hear from the mafia, or a crooked lawyer in a downhill court case. Pelosi must have attended the same school where John Gruber learned how to fool millions of voters.