Dead Idiot Blew His Head Off With Firework, Now His Mom Wants The Rest Of Us To Suffer

Dead Idiot Blew His Head Off With Firework, Now His Mom Wants The Rest Of Us To Suffer

A dead moron from Maine was killed instantly when he fired a firework off from the top of his head. Predictably, he will now be used as a prop to advocate for stricter controls thanks to a grieving parent… who ought to bear at least some of the blame.

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From the AP: 

The mother of a man who tried to launch a firework off the top of his head for July Fourth and was killed instantly said Monday she’s advocating for stricter controls about who can use the explosives.

Devon Staples, 22, and his friends had been drinking and setting off fireworks Saturday night in a backyard in Staples’ eastern Maine hometown, Calais, when the accident happened with a reloadable fireworks mortar tube, police have said.

Staples’ mother, Kathleen Staples, said she is going to reach out to lawmakers about the possibility of tighter controls over fireworks. The state should consider requiring safety training courses before allowing someone to use them, she said. She compared fireworks with other regulated items such as cars and guns.

“At least it’d be a little bit more than, ‘Here you go,'” Staples said. “That’s an explosive. They didn’t just hand me a license and put me in the car.”

Devon Staples also had lived in the Orlando, Florida, area, where he worked as a performer portraying Disney characters such as Gaston from “Beauty and the Beast” and Goofy, his mother said.

She said he believed the firework was “a dud” that was unlikely to hurt him. State Fire Marshal Joe Thomas said that is unlikely because the mortar had been fired once previously and he “can’t imagine someone would anticipate that it was a dud.”

Staples’ death is the first fireworks fatality in Maine since it legalized fireworks on Jan. 1, 2012, authorities said. Lawmakers had voted to repeal a 1949 law banning fireworks, reasoning the industry would create jobs and generate revenue.

Democratic Rep. Michel Lajoie, a retired fire chief from Lewiston who has pushed to repeal Maine’s fireworks law in the past, said Monday that he’s considering trying to introduce another measure next year but acknowledged it faces long odds. Retailers have fiercely opposed any effort in the Legislature to restrict the use of fireworks.

Lajoie said even a ban might not prevent injuries and deaths.

“They’re going to say, ‘Well, you can’t regulate stupidity’ … and it’s true, you can’t. But the fact of the matter is you have to try something,” Lajoie said. “I’m not giving up.”

Now I know what you’re going to say. Austin, you’re an asshole. How can you be so mean to someone whose family member was just killed?

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Shut up. Just shut up. I’m sick and tired of every time some idiot parent’s dumbass kid gets dead, the rest of us have to suffer in polite silence while politicians line up to take up whatever cause they’re fronting to punish the rest of us. Let’s localize the stupidity, instead of spreading it to the rest of us.

The kid did us all a favor by taking himself out of the gene pool. Does that sound harsh? Well, too bad. America wasn’t founded so we could be safe from fireworks. It was founded so we could be free to be whatever the hell we want. In this case, if you’re an idiot, you’re also free to be dead.

When fascism comes to America, it will be sold to us with a politician standing on the graves of some parent grieving over their dead kid.

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Fireworks retailers should have every right to sell their wares, caveat emptor. If you aren’t intelligent enough not to know that putting a mortar on your head and lighting it might blow your head off… that’s not their fault. I’m even against there being warning labels on fireworks.

Why? Well, it’s not that I want to kill all the stupid people… I’m not that harsh. It’s that I want to take off all the warning labels to let the problem sort itself out on its own.

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