Trump & Clinton’s Monday Night War: Not Pro Wrestling, but Close Enough

Trump

by Joey Clark

South Park’s “member berries” may love to remember Chewbacca and Han Solo, but a few weeks ago a friend of mine who goes back with me a long time (3rd grade, I believe) asked with excitement, “Oh, Joey, ‘member WCW? ‘Member NWO? ‘Member wrestling?”

Oh yes, I ‘member alright. I ‘member the hype, the blurring of reality with entertainment, and the rise of anti-heroes with attitude.

For the nostalgic, the WWE Network now has an original show called “Monday Night War,” which recounts the battle between the then WWF and WCW for Monday night ratings supremacy in the mid-90’s. I loved this stuff as a pre-pubescent kid, yet, as I watch old WCW Nitro episodes with my adult eyes, I find the spectacle enjoyable for other reasons. As a kid, I always knew wrestling was faux sport and more “entertainment,” but I still bought into the hype week after week. Now, so cynical and jaded for one much too young, I watch with a satirical smirk (even though Ric Flair does make me guffaw on occasion, woo!).

As I strolled down this memory lane, I couldn’t help but think of the 2016 presidential election—the fact that I wear the same satirical smirk as I watch Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, their hype-men, their detractors, and their fans. The stakes are obviously much bigger in this election than a WWE pay-per-view event—instead of the World Heavyweight Championship being up for grabs, the power of the presidency looms large—but America seems to be treating the two with the same level of seriousness.

How can so many supposedly intelligent men and women (and all those in between) so seriously buy into the hype of a Trump vs. Clinton presidential debate? The Monday night war between Trump and Clinton will be a debate to the extent that professional wrestling is a sport. It’s faux debate and more “entertainment.” Yes, just like wrestling, there is some skill involved, but the main point is to entertain the masses and win a popularity contest.

My guess is Clinton has been played out. She represents the old and the established. She tries to present an all-American, straight-laced persona, but it seems stale. Truly, America has never seemed fit to serve as the prim and proper bastion of tolerance as Hillary and her backers suggest it should be. No, America loves an anti-hero, and Donald Trump is just that presidential candidate to play the part. Some of America loves to love him, while some loves to hate him, and that’s exactly the point. If tonight’s debate breaks television viewership records as predicted, it will no doubt be because of Trump.

Imagine the snooze fest of a Hillary vs. Jeb or Hillary vs. Rubio or Hillary vs. Kasich debate. Imagine how little potential pull all of those matchups carry, and you have now scratched the surface as to how strong Trump’s pull on the American imagination really is. Americans want someone outrageous and unpredictable, even the Never Trumpers. The trolls want him as fuel for their lulz, and the moralizers want him as food for their righteous indignation. Not even Vince McMahon could have conjured up such a perfect anti-hero for American audiences to consume. As that old George Carlin joke about Bill Clinton goes, one man says to another, “That Donald Trump is full of shit.”

“Well at least he’s honest about it,” says the other man in response.

So my guess is Trump will “win” the debate simply by being Trump, for being honestly full of shit. And even if he loses the election, he will still have won the Monday night ratings war.

That said, whether Trump or Hillary wins the presidential chair, the American people will lose either way.

Why? Well, all we have to do is “‘member.”

My fellow Americans, ‘member how we are 20 trillion dollars in debt? Do you ‘member how many undeclared wars the United States government is currently fomenting? Do you ‘member America is an empire in denial? Do you ‘member how little difference each presidential puppet seems to make no matter how vociferous and polarized the public debate may be?

Do you ‘member America’s ideals? Do you ‘member “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” as more than just a throwaway slogan? Or, have we completely forgotten her ideals for the sake of money, power, sex, and prestige?

Well, if we have forgotten, at least I will have a satirical smirk on my face while watching the nation expose its ass, both the left and the right cheeks, on the world stage for all to see on primetime television.

At least, America will still be winning the T.V. ratings war.

1 comment

Pineles and Bolno August 2, 2023 at 9:17 pm

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