Mysterious Theft Destroys Honor System On Anarchic Scottish Island

By: Laura Meyers

Once upon a time most recently, on a small and peaceful island of Canna, Scotland, a band of greedy lads disrupted a community shop’s 50 year-long harmonious legend.

The shop that was looted had been operating on the honor system. Island locals say that it’s the first theft on the island in decades.

“In the four years our shop has been run on an honesty basis this is the first time this has happened and we are all gutted by it,” says one of the shop owners. “The thieves cleared the shelves of sweets, chocolate bars, coffee, biscuits, batteries and more. Most upsetting for [manager] Julie was they stole six of her hand-knitted Canna wool hats which were in the shop on a sale or return basis.”

Not me woolly hats, ya dirty bawbags!

Until the robbery, the quaint Canna Community Shop, located next to a pier, would stay open overnight so that fishermen could come in and get what they needed and leave appropriate change behind.

“Thefts like this put our shop in jeopardy and may mean it will have to close, which would be a real shame after all the hard work and voluntary hours that go into it.”

Since there’s no police force on the island, there is an officer being sent from the mainland to investigate the robbery.

So you’re telling me that private property must be protected? Greed is a thing? Everything that Thomas More taught me about Utopia is a lie?

Well, shite.