Don’t want to be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It’s calling out to idiot America. -Green Day “American Idiot”
A gluten free version of water, which is free of all genetically modified organisms, pesticides, hormones, and antibiotics, is now on sale. Why? Because some Americans (gotta be careful not to pull an Ariana Grande here) are idiots.
Here’s the kicker though, if you’re racist, you probably won’t like it. The water is black. Why black? Because of fulvic trace minerals. It boasts “over 60 other trace minerals” as well as “powerful electrolytes” and a “high pH.”
The website reads:
“Fulvic minerals are derived from plant matter and fulvic acid. Fulvic acid is rich in minerals and life-giving nutrients and it is critical to the growth of all plant and animal life. Once obtained from the best source possible, Fulvic minerals are processed with purified, cool water to ensure the best quality.” and “blk is what happens when fulvic trace minerals are added to pure water. blk is powerful electrolytes and a high pH. blk is serious hydration. blk is a delicious beverage without any sugar, carbs or calories. blk is here and it will defy your expectations.”
The Wikipedia article for the page says that fulvic acids occur naturally in soil, and have been used in agriculture due to their beneficial effect on plants. It also says that “positive health effects on animals and humans are claimed as well,” but the entry reads that a citation is needed for that claim.
Amazon sells packs of 24 bottles for only $47.16. A pretty good deal, especially if you’re an idiot. It has a 3/7 star rating amongst customers, who say that it “tastes like water.” And, “I like it, somehow it’s very refreshing when chilled.”
One of the negative reviewers threatens to blow the producer’s cover when they wrote “SNAKE OIL ON TAP,” and went on to say, “Just like all those companies that claim to sell “alkaline” water. The body does not need help balancing its pH. The body’s pH is normally between 7.35-7.45 (this is the blood and body cavities; stomach pH and certain other areas might have their own unique acid-base balance). Any deviations form this and you’re talking SERIOUS health consequences (metabolic alkalosis/acidosis for starters). There is NOTHING on the market and approved by the FDA for food use that will alkalize the body – nor should you want something like it. This is purely a market gimmick, that will fade over time. This water is a waste of money!”
Hmm… maybe there is hope for the human race after all?