By the monster Rick Santorum checks under his bed for, R. Brownell
Stereotype 1: The Baby Libertarian
aka “Adolescent Anarcho-Capitalist”
This is the kid on the block that was a little liberal hellraiser when Bush was president, and then became the most right-wing conservative when Obama took the reigns. After Googling his ideas and wondering why no one gets him/her’s social liberal, fiscally conservative views, the first question they end up asking themselves after the search results come up is probably, “Who are all these Australian dudes and what is a Ron Paul Revolution?”
After a hefty dose of Atlas Shrugged and a conspiracy InfoWars cocktail of Alex Jones podcasts, this young adult is likely to shed the label “libertarian” after getting a slight grasp of things (after feeling its become too mainstream), and start calling themselves “Anarcho-Capitalist” in order to show the world how edgy they are.
This walking, talking, hormone time bomb of teenage angst can most likely be seen at Young Americans for Liberty conventions calling everyone statist as he goes around talking about privatizing orphanages and letting greedy elitists rent their own private police force. While this dude or dudette might see John Galt in the mirror, the world just sees an angry kid and wonders, “I wonder if that person with the scarlet letter with a circle around it on his shirt knows where I can buy some drugs?”
Whether they are trolling libertarian Facebook groups asking how much Bitcoin it costs to buy an anti-corporation V for Vendetta mask, these lil’ libertarians just need a few more years under their belt before they begin to mellow out, or in some cases get worse…
Stereotype 2: The Big “L” Libertarian
aka “The dude that calls everyone not part of the Libertarian Party a sell out Guy”
The few, the proud, the Libertarian Party! This person can be seen running around gathering signatures for ballot access and telling everyone they can find about the two-party system silencing the voice of the people, or, they run for office and then basically fall off the grid because campaigning just isn’t in the schedule between doing whatever and whatever because “Libertarians don’t win elections because we’re to pure and honest and don’t have Koch Brother money!”
Don’t tell this person that you are a libertarian if you don’t vote LP every election cycle, because the moment you do, the guilt shaming, sell out, floodgates of righteous anger will pour out and the process of purging you from the libertarian community will begin to commence.
Stereotype 3: The Deny-ican
aka “just because I walk and talk like a Republican doesn’t mean I am one!”
These are the guys at the party who call themselves libertarians simply when they want to seem like they just want a degree of smaller government compared to every other conservative in the room. Yah, they may say the drug war is a failure and that the war in Iraq was a terrible decision, but for Pete’s sake, don’t say that out loud at your local GOP meeting though, or else everyone will think you’re a Democrat spy! Just keep voting for Republican policies (even the ones you don’t like), and call yourself a libertarian when you don’t want to be associated with things that don’t go well. It could be worse though, bad timing at the wrong location could have you ending up like this dude…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4Tw9UjSdm0
Stereotype 4: the Open Sociopath
aka “I hope all the poor die, less air to waste”
These are the guys and gals that don’t help things out, especially in arguments with Democrats about social good. This is the person that when asked “who will help the homeless and unemployed?” answers with “no one”, instead of bringing up private charities or discussing the road which got those people to such a desperate state.
This is the same person that when asked “who will test new medications if the FDA is gone?” replies with “no one”, instead of private labs and internal market regulation. While some libertarians just like to cut right to the chase, a little empathy never killed anyone, and the truth aided by a convincing argument is nicer than a lecture that makes economics sound like eugenics.
Stereotype 5: The Academic
aka “Bowties mean I know stuff”
This is the individual that wants to have two kids and name them Milton Friedman and Murry Rothbard. Often the brains of the liberty movement, these libertarians write all those books Ron Paul is always telling you to read. Apart from bowties alone, this libertarian differs from many other in the realm in that they publish books instead of just angry Facebook rants calling everyone a communist and why you’re right about everything.
6. The Confederate
aka “the South will rise again!”
A large segment of people jumping into the liberty movement tend to talk about state’s rights, which are great, but typically turn the conversation from one about the 10th Amendment to that of “the South..raw raw raw..the Confederacy raw raw raw”.
The Civil War is a dicey topic, the Northern aggression from the Union wasn’t great but the Confederate states weren’t perfect either. It would be wise to learn if these folks are really libertarian or if they are just recruiting for the southern uprising since it worked out so well the first time…
7. The Conspiracy Theorist
aka “the alcoholic neighbor with the tin foil hat”
A free man and patriot must always be skeptical of their government, but sometimes living simply in a state of constant paranoia can not only drive you crazy but drive people away.
Everyone has that one crazy uncle that was able to prove who really killed JFK, and has secret photo evidence of missiles hitting the second World Trade Center tower. Once they start to bring up aliens and the fluoride in the water, its time to leave the room, things are gonna get weird.
8. The Doomsday Prepper
aka “I have enough beans and bullets for a century”
This is the libertarian everyone should strive to be! Guns? Check! Canned goods? Check? Bike powered TV? Why the heck not! Whether it’s a financial collapse or a nuclear holocaust, these are the libertarians who can live off the fat of the land and truly aren’t reliant on anyone or anything!
