Zombies. Everybody hates them. Whether they’re trying to bust down the barricade of your farm house, or attending an Obama rally, everyone needs to know how to survive in case of there’s an apocalypse now.
There are different types of zombies that theorists predict could attempt to take over the world. Biological, radiological, or voodoo. For the sake of argument, let’s agree that the most likely scenario is going to be your typical biological agent causing the dead to reanimate and attempt to eat the brains of the living. Of course, an Obama rally is poor fare for zombies with such appetites, but let’s just assume that is the case. What will you need to survive? What kind of weapons work best? How should you groom yourself, and what techniques can you employ to increase your chances of living until help arrives, if it ever arrives. These 10 tips should be useful for any type of survival situation, not just an outbreak of deadheads.
Click the next button for essential tips on how to survive an onslaught of the walking dead.
#1. Weapons
Never carry just one weapon. That’s the first tip. You’ll always want to carry at least three, if you can. If the world is ending, and the dead gather at your door, you’ll want at least three weapons in order to defend yourself. Ideally, a primary long range weapon, a sidearm, and a blunt force/edged weapon.
Most people think that a fully automatic machine gun or assault rifle are the best choices, but that’s not true in this situation. Fully automatic weapons are generally a waste of ammunition. Zombies die from a shot to the brain. They aren’t like humans where you can shoot them anywhere and expect them to die. You’re going to want to focus on precision in order to take them down. Single shot long rifles are your best bet, forcing you to be accurate and save your ammo.
The Bludgeon/Blade/Blunt Force Weapon
Most people watch zombie movies and think that a chainsaw would do nicely in slicing and dicing the walking dead, but the reality is far from the truth. How long will a chainsaw run before it runs out of gas? Once it’s dead, it’s basically a heavy paperweight. It’s also pretty loud, signaling to the walkers where you’re located. No, if you find a chainsaw, don’t pick it up. Here’s a list of some better blunt force objects you’d do better with, that won’t run out of gas.
Hammers, crowbars, hatchets, trench knives (basically brass knuckles attached to a knife) or any other battle-ready sword are excellent fallback weapons. Just make sure that it’s sharp and clean. Avoid anything that requires power or batteries of any sort. Remember, it should be the type of weapon that can chop off a zombie head, or stab through to its brain. That’s what counts.
Secondary weapons/Sidearms
Pistols may seem like a great secondary weapon, but beware. They are notoriously difficult to aim. A decent sidearm is good to have as backup if you’re in a bind and the undead are clawing at your door, but don’t expect to be able to score a headshot with them every time. The good thing about them is that many times you can use the same ammo as your primary weapon. Otherwise, make sure that you train with one heavily before you charge into a horde of undead with one. Getting a laser sight on one will increase your chances of making a one shot kill, so find one if you can.
Primary Weapons
As we said before, machine guns are out. There’s no point in wasting ammunition hoping for a single perfect shot to the brain and expecting that it’s going to hit a zombie right in the sweet and sour spot. They’re heavy, difficult to operate, and require more ammunition than the average person can carry and still be mobile enough to evacuate if you’re in a tight spot. Avoid machine guns.
Submachine guns are a decent option for a primary weapons. Often you might find yourself fighting indoors, and that’s where a submachine gun could come in handy. They’ve got a shorter barrel, making them lighter, and their ammo is usually relatively easy to find. The only real disadvantage is that they aren’t very useful at long range. They also have a tendency to jam, and if you’re at close range, this is obviously a big downside.
Assault rifles can be a good option, but they also have some cons as well. Depending on which assault rifle you’re using, you might be tempted to switch it to fully automatic and blast your way out of trouble. Again, that’s a temptation you could probably do without. You’re better off not using a fully automatic weapon because you could panic and turn on full auto, totally miss, and suddenly you’re out of ammo and surrounded by stinking, welfare addicts, I mean flesh-eaters.
If you can get your hands on an AK-47, you’ve struck gold. This is arguably the best assault rifle ever made, especially in a survival situation. It’s rugged, easy to clean, doesn’t jam that frequently, and can be used as a club in case you’re in trouble. Conversely, the M16 has a plastic stock and would likely shatter if you tried to brain a zombie with it. Choose your assault rifle carefully… if you have a choice at all. And if you do have a choice, choose an AK-47.
Bolt-actions are probably going to be your best best for a primary weapon. They’re accurate. They rarely jam. They don’t waste ammo with the option of fully automatic fire, and they’re ubiquitous in the American landscape. Hunting rifles are great tools to make your primary weapon, and arguably would serve you better than an assault rifle. If you can find a military grade bolt-action, you’re better off generally, because those were also made to be able to be used as a club if necessary.
The shotgun is a premiere undead killer. At close range, almost anyone can use this weapon to great effect. Turning a zombie’s head into a cloud of blood and grey matter with a shotgun is as simple as pointing in the general direction at a decent range and *POOF* they’re dead… again. The only real downsides to a shotgun is that they can’t operate at long ranges and the ammunition is bulky and heavy. Otherwise, grab a shottie and light em up, up, up.
A semi-automatic rifle is a great tool, but like the assault rifles, they can have their downsides. Every time you pull the trigger a bullet is expelled. That may sound great, but if you’re not accurate, you might just be wasting ammunition. A decent M1 carbine or M1 Garand would serve you well if you could get your hands on one. They’re fairly lightweight, with a shorter muzzle, and the ammo is easy to find. As long as you can practice discipline with your firing rate, a good semi-automatic weapon can be your best friend in a survival situation.
A decent .22 long rifle is a great zombie killer, and it has the distinct advantage of being lightweight, as well as being relatively quiet compared to other higher-caliber weapons. The ammo is also light, but has become harder to find in recent years due to fears of shortages and people stockpiling them. The downsides are the lack of stopping power. You can’t blast over a herd of walkers like you can with a shotgun, and at long ranges it might be difficult to penetrate the brain case. Still, a good .22 can be a handy primary or secondary weapon in case the dead rise again.
#2. Home Defense
In the first few hours of a zombie apocalypse, the first instinct many humans will have is to flee. Roads will be jammed and grocery stores will be cleaned out. Want to survive? Observe the herd, and do the opposite. Since you’re obviously reading this guide, you’re probably the type to keep enough food and water in your house to be prepared in the event of this kind of emergency, so why would you even need to run to the grocery store like the rest of the lemmings who might as well ring the dinner bell for any zombies in the area? Fresh meat at the grocery store, but not a brain among them. So stock up in case of this event. And if you’re smart, you’ll barricade yourself in your home and stay put. Here are some great tips to guard yourself against the walkers in the crucial first 24-48 hours of an outbreak.
Putting bars and boards over windows and doors is a good first means of defense, but experience has shown that two or three walkers can eventually tear right through them. I’m not saying don’t board up your windows, but even if you’ve done that already, don’t expect them to hold off the flesh eaters for long. Again, you should move to the highest point in the house and destroy the means of getting upstairs. And never, ever lock yourself in a basement, no matter how tempting or impregnable you think it may be. You may as well be canned food, because there will be no escape, and once cabin fever sets in, and it will set in, someone is going to go nuts and try and open the only entrance to the outside world, delivering you into the walker’s hands like so many sardines.
Apartment buildings can be great for self defense. Firstly because you’ll likely have more people to help you defend against the walkers, and secondly because if the elevator isn’t working, and you can destroy or barricade the staircase, you’ve basically created an almost impregnable fortress against the walking dead. You’ll be able to use the human capital of the tenants, who could be carpenters, mechanics, army reservists, engineers, or have any variety of skills that would be useful in protecting the lives of those who hole up in the complex. Apartment buildings are generally a very good bet for safety in numbers against the hordes of undead.
#3. The Stockpile
If you find yourself besieged by the walking dead, there are certain items you should have in your safe house in order to best protect yourself. Here is a short list of items that you should have ready in case the dead return to life.
- Primary Weapon
- Secondary Weapon
- Blunt/Bladed Weapon
- 1,000 rounds of ammunition for each gun
- Katana sword
- A hatchet
- Silencers if possible
- A shotgun
- Three quarts of water per day
- Water filters
- Rainwater collecting cistern
- Electric stoves, portable preferably
- Medical kits
- Electric generator, preferably hand cranked.
- Gasoline generator for emergencies only (the noise will draw the undead)
- Tool kits
- Lime to use for the toilet
- Binoculars
- Flares
- Light sticks
- Canned food, three per day (multiply this per the number of people in your party)
- Fire extinguishers
#4. Preparing for the onslaught
If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to defend against a zombie attack, don’t panic. You are going to need a clear head to survive. Zombies may be terrifying, but they are slow, and they don’t have any real tactical ability to overcome even the simplest of obstacles that you may have put in their way. Some people may sit idle while waiting for the hordes to eventually make their way to your local buffet, but there are all sorts of things you can do to prepare should you find yourself under attack.
Keep a low profile. Don’t do anything that will draw unnecessary attention to your location, such as building open fires, or making too much noise. If you have a radio, keep the volume down or use a headset preferably. Keep your curtains pulled at all times, especially at night when you might be using a light to read or do any cooking.
Keep a constant patrol. If you have a group, you’ll want to make sure that someone is constantly on watch. That means that there should be a 24-hour round-the-clock lookout keeping an eye out for any signs of trouble. There is no excuse for slacking on this duty.
Exercise regularly. Staying healthy and in good shape is going to keep you alive. Maintain a strict regimen for maintaining your physical fitness. It will help not only your body, but your mind. If you ever have to run from the living dead, you’ll be glad you did.
Create a designated area for the toilet. The lime that you’ve kept should be used after each time you go to the bathroom.
Dig a vegetable garden if possible and make sure to keep it away from the toilet area.
Plan your escape route. What will you do if a solid wall of the living dead manage to pile themselves up so high that they can finally reach your staircase? And what if they manage to breach the apartment building and get inside? You’ll want to have an evacuation plan ready to go in case the dead manage to get past your defenses. Keep a gear bag and your weapons ready to go in case you have to flee at a moment’s notice.
Find ways to have fun. Yes, even if you are in a building that is under constant assault from the undead, you must take time to relax and try and distract yourself from the hordes of moaning, rotting corpses outside your door. If you do not, you can go crazy, and that’s a sure way to get yourself and the people in your compound killed. Play board games, or read books. Find fun activities to engage in with your party, and don’t let yourself get too bored. Boredom is one step away from cabin fever.
#5. Surviving the attack
When the hordes of zombies finally make their way to you for whatever reason, fear and unpreparedness can destroy even the best laid plans of mice and men. So don’t be caught unawares. Stay alert, and don’t panic. Take these precautions to protect yourself and your group.
If you are barricaded in a two story home, destroy the staircase. Once you’ve gathered up all your belongings, food, and weapons, you’ll want to destroy all the means of access for any walkers should they get past barricades you put on your entrances. That way, if the worst happens and the living dead do break through, they won’t be able to reach you, unless the hordes are so great that their bodies pile up to the second story, in which case it’s time to initiate your escape plan. You do have an escape plan, don’t you?
Turn on the bathtubs in your house, all of them, and fill them up. You’ll want to have as large a stockpile of water as you can get. After a certain amount of time the water may turn brackish, but if you can find water purifiers, or boil the water after a week or so, you should be fine.
Stay out of sight. Putting yourself in sight of the walkers is like dangling a banana in front of a hungry gorilla. Don’t tempt the monkey. Keep yourself out of sight and quiet, so hopefully the zombies will find something to distract them and they will leave. If you have any mild alcohol in your house, and there are crying infants, a tiny thimbleful might help quiet them down. Bad for their health, but worse is being eaten alive by the walking dead. Don’t hesitate. Do it.
If you’re in a one story home, go to the attic and pull up the ladder. If there is no attic, go to the roof. Try not to advertise your whereabouts too much, but if there is a manageable horde of zombies, this might be a good time to pull out your primary weapon and begin picking them off one by one. Remember, every shot of precious ammunition counts. Aim for the head, and don’t miss.
Office buildings can be great refuges if you happen to be near one. They generally have decent security features, and can be easily defended. Locking yourself in an office building is generally a good idea. Hospitals are usually not a good idea. While they may sound like they will be havens of safety, remember that once an outbreak occurs, these are going to be the first place overrun by the infected. When people start showing symptoms of turning, this will be where relatives and loved ones will bring them. Don’t go to the hospital.
Police stations might sound like a good idea, but remember, that’s what everyone is going to think. These will be crowded with the needy, the hungry, the stupid, and the evil. Never mind that they are likely to have a jail full of people you wouldn’t want to be around in a normal situation, but think about how hostile prisoners would become if there is an emergency. Also, if there is a breakdown in law and order, what’s to say that police officers won’t take advantage of the situation? They are just humans after all. The type of people who will go to police stations will be desperate, and are probably doing so because they lack any skills to survive on their own. Don’t go to the police station. Find protection somewhere else.
Churches may sound like a haven, but the reality is probably far different. There are many easy means of access, the better for people to enter and exit, and this makes for a poor defensive structure. Also, the type of people whose first instinct is to go to church are probably going to be the type of people who are hoping for a higher power to bail them out. They probably forgot that god helps those who help themselves. Also, the louder their prayers, the louder the dinner bell rings for any nearby walkers. Avoid churches.
Warehouses can be a good place to defend yourself, considering that there are possibly many supplies and tools that might be able to be requisitioned. But there are also plenty of chances that there will be lots of places for zombies to break in. It can be hard to defend a warehouse if there are large doors to the outside and no electricity to open or close them reliably. Consider each warehouse individually before you attempt to convert it into a stronghold.
State houses, capitols, city halls, government buildings, and anything with the stamp of the state should be avoided at all costs. Remember, government is made up of people who more than likely couldn’t cut it in the real world. People take government jobs because of guaranteed benefits and security. These are the last people you want to place your trust in if the sh*t hits the fan. There is absolutely no good reason to ever believe that agents of the government are going to do anything other than look after themselves if trouble arises. Just look at any example like the flight from the embassy in Vietnam, with government workers punching escapees off of helicopters. These people have no scruples, and in the event of an emergency will be looking out for themselves. Do the same. Stay away from them.
The one exception to this rule are taking up haven in military bases. Soldiers tend to be highly skilled, professional, and motivated to public service. There are certainly exceptions, but for the most part, there is good reason to believe that you will be safe in a military base. Try and send a scout first to determine whether the base is staffed by those intent on defending civilians before your entire group surrenders themselves willingly into the hands of the military. If there is a total breakdown in law and order, even good soldiers can go bad. Proceed with caution.
And that’s it. Obviously there is much more that we could provide in terms of how to defend yourself against the walking dead, but we’re very busy preparing our stockpile of weapons, ammunition, and digging our vegetable garden. Don’t delay. Start yours today!