This Liberty Lady Tells You Why You Can’t Get A Date
Last week we published a popular list of 7 Reasons Libertarian Women Make Amazing Girlfriends. The reactions were strong – lots of positive feedback, some negative. We were called misogynistic, unrealistic, and told that libertarian women are “unicorns” who simply don’t exist. Many men pointed out that they can’t find a single libertarian female, and while the author of this article happens to be exactly that, the simple fact is that there are many available liberty ladies out there, they simply don’t wish to sleep with or date you.
The conversation now turns to why. Why won’t we date these libertarian men who seem to be very excited about the prospect of a libertarian girlfriend?
This list isn’t funny, except occasionally at your expense. This list is tough love, and you need it. It’s not universally applicable, but here’s the deal: if you’ve been striking out, consider each of these points. The dating game is a market, and you need to understand how you’re failing to serve the demand.
So, why don’t we date you?
Click “next” to find out why.
1. Complaining, Complaining, Complaining
Things suck. We’re libertarians, we know this. The government is in your emails, your bank accounts, your business, your bedroom. Much of libertarianism is complaining about the terrible things that the government is doing and how we’re not really free. This is the libertarian condition, frankly.
So, don’t add to it. A pity-party about how you’re not getting laid is the single most effective way to keep yourself from the sex you so obviously and desperately desire.
Here’s the deal: I don’t want to know how crappy your life is until I’ve learned why I should care about you. It’s a turn-off. This applies to complaints about jobs, friends, personal drama, money, and especially the fact that other women don’t seem to want you. One of the least attractive things a guy can do is whine about how “women all want XYZ, but I’m a genuine provider of ABC and they don’t care”. We don’t care. At that point, I’m not compelled to prove your statement wrong, I’m compelled to learn from the other women who are clearly not present, and recognize that if nobody else thinks you’re worth their time, why should I invest?
2. No Sense of Humor
Glaringly evident in the response to that original article – indications are that a large contingent of readers do not recognize tongue-in-cheek humor and playful caricatures. This writer realizes my duty to communicate clearly and effectively, so if I failed at that, my bad. But so many people simply failed to recognize that the list was made to entertain, amuse and bolster morale, not tease you with forbidden fruit or set up and crush your expectations.
By making fun of ourselves, our heroes, our ideas, we are normalizing the culture of liberty, not turning people off from it. Being able to laugh at yourself is essential to being confident while still being humble (as opposed to arrogant). Women like that, particularly in dating rather than a sex-only situation. We do understand however, not every man is funny himself, but you can cultivate a sense of humor and appreciate things that make everybody laugh – because laughter is a tremendous aphrodisiac, it helps us bond, and we really don’t want to have to explain jokes to you.
3. Being a Creepertarian
I realize that women appear to be a novel and rare commodity at liberty events, but that’s changing pretty quickly, and being a creeper is not improving that situation. I’ve been going to liberty events for over a decade as a reasonably attractive adult woman and I will state for the record that things are way better than they used to be in the male-female ratio department and the general attitude of the men there. However, there are plenty of creepertarians who ruin it for the rest of us.
Awkward suitors who don’t observe personal space boundaries, or personal hygiene regiments – please back up and spray yourself with Lysol. I’ve been in a group of people talking about a liberty cause only to notice (and become tremendously self-conscious because) one of the guys has begun staring at me with laser-focused intensity and licking his lips. What the hell is that?
Later, they try to snap a selfie with me, as if I meant to be standing next to them. Then they ask for my number so they can text me the picture. Don’t be that guy.
4. Pissing Contests & Hostility
Along the lines of not having a sense of humor, how about not trying to scare off every libertarian woman who comes along? There was a comment on Facebook during the posting of the aforementioned article where someone actually decided to tell me I wasn’t “really a libertarian”. On the Libertarian Party Facebook page.
Seriously dude?
Besides the irony, which I was happy to point out, the simple fact is there is a ton of hostility towards new people in the liberty movement – female or male, particularly as relates to One True Libertarianism (No True Scotsman Fallacy) and levels of purism. I feel like women get it more because there’s this odd skepticism that women don’t really know much about liberty, even though the entire movement is thanks to some incredible women.
Ultimately, a libertarian woman may or may not be 100% in agreement with you on everything (maybe you’re the one who isn’t “libertarian enough”?), but I’ve seen far too many conversations suddenly dovetail when the libertarian man decides to assert his supposed intellectual superiority at the expense of, well, any actual intelligence about social dynamics.
In the meantime, the approach of being confrontational, hostile and intimidating towards women who may have various minor disagreements about the specifics of their personal libertarian ideas — that’s turning people off of liberty, and it’s turning people off of you. Stop it.
5. Lacking Other Interests Besides Liberty
I get it. You love libertarianism. You found a place where other people agree with you and you belong, despite not being a collectivist. But don’t tell me the best movie ever made was Atlas Shrugged Part One because you’re lying. That was nowhere near a high-caliber movie. Maybe your favorite book is The Fountainhead, or Stranger in a Strange Land. That’s great. I’m happy for you. But let’s stop pretending that every single book or movie made by a libertarian was good. That’s not the case. Being libertarian does not automatically make you talented at some form of art.
You’re actually allowed to like other things, and normal people do. You’re allowed to say that you enjoyed the movie Avatar, even if you hated the anti-corporate, environmental hippie messaging, because it’s a visually stunning retelling of a classic human story. Instead, you’d rather complain (oh! here’s that complaining again!) about how every Hollywood movie is a piece of the “liberal agenda” while conveniently ignoring epic liberty stories such as Star Wars, Hunger Games, or well, any revolution story.
Diversify your interests. Find things that other people like. It doesn’t have to be libertarian. It’ll be easier to interact with the rest of the world if you have something non-libertarian to bond over. Being libertarian can be exhausting, don’t force it to dictate all your human interests. Get a pet. Get off the Internet. Show up places where other people go. Engage in the world around you.
6. Not Caring How You’re Perceived
I know that someone once told you to be yourself and to “F— the Haters!” but guess what – there’s nothing wrong with responding to social cues.
There are many and they are important.
This may seem a bit superficial, but let me logic it out for you: the first thing people observe is the visual. Women and men. What do your clothes say about you? Do they fit correctly? Are they nice? Are they appropriate to the event? Are they clean? Are you dressing well for your complexion and your body type? All of these things matter in terms of showing you as someone who cares about yourself and knows how to look good. Do you need to be all muscles and 6’2″? No. You just have to do the best with what you’ve got. Get a friend with fashion sense and let them make you over. Try new stuff. Buy a suit.
Take care of yourself. Besides the basic visuals, get a better sense of interaction. Notice when people stop listening to you talk, notice when they fold their arms or back away from you. Figure out how you’re coming off, and decide if that’s how you want to appear. If it is, start identifying the reactions to that, and determine if you’re comfortable with those.
Also, don’t get excessively drunk. You are not getting better looking with every drink you have. Raising your voice while drinking? Raising your voice to tell people about liberty or anarchy? Please, just stop. Stop. Stahp.
7. Not Listening
Women are people. As such, they are individuals, with their own desires, motivations, life experiences and personalities. I know a book told you that they’re protecting their eggs and they’re gatekeepers to vagina-fun-land, but they’re remarkably diverse, and functioning off assumptions is not helping you. Heck, you shouldn’t even presume we’re going to match that list I made either. We’re all beautiful unique snowflakes, just like you.
Our brains develop pattern recognition to speed up our cognitive processes, but often we begin to ignore data that doesn’t fit the established patterns, which can lead to us ignoring realities around us. If you approach a woman with a mental plan laid out of all your witty lines and a checklist to her bedroom, you’re already losing in numerous ways. Instead, engage with a woman, and see what she has to say. If she happens to be a libertarian, she probably has some interesting ideas and would likely appreciate your intellectual attention. Listen to her. Seriously.
Protip: This will also help you understand if you actually want to be with her. Knowing her interests and her values are important to your eventual happiness, right?
8. No Chemistry
Much like listening, there is something else that men often miss – chemistry. You can check all the boxes of seduction, you can say all the right words and follow the perfect script with a beautiful woman. You can be really sexy too. Everything’s a go, but suddenly you can’t make the jump to hyperspace.
Sometimes she’s just not that into you. Sometimes it’s actually, seriously, legitimately chemistry. This happens more often than you probably notice, but sometimes we’re just biology, and our biology is telling us “no, you don’t want to sleep with him.” Respect that. You may not be able to do anything about it. It is and isn’t personal — it’s simply life and pheromones. Accept it. Complaining will not help your case.
9. Being A Dick
Don’t be a dick. Don’t slut-shame women, don’t call them “b*tches” without a hint of irony, and check yourself periodically to make sure you’re not being sexist, racist or homophobic. Why does that matter? It’s a free country, right? Because libertarianism is the opposite of collectivism, and if you judge someone’s value based on characteristics such as their sexual preferences, skin color or genitalia, you’re actually just being a collectivist, and libertarian women aren’t really into that. It’s also lacking critical thinking and generally this thing that women really like, called kindness.
You can’t win though – if you’re excessively nice to try to sleep with us, we might call you a “fedora-wearing Nice Guy” and tell you that you don’t get to put Coins of Niceness in us until sex comes out. Don’t make every interaction with a woman about the eventual chance to get in her pants. I promise you, things will improve for you if you take that to heart. Assume you’re never going to sleep with her, and then interact with her like a human being.
Speaking of “a dick”, don’t ever mention the size of your penis in a conversation. I promise you, it’s only tacky.
10. Awkward Aggression
Earlier, we had Creepertarians, who tend to be annoying but harmless. Then there’s a level up: awkward & aggressive. Aggressive dudes do not listen to the word no. They do not read body cues. They ask a woman to dance repeatedly when she’s clearly not into it. They aggressively try to get a woman to leave the party/bar/event with them, or if she’s on her way out, they aggressively try to get her to stay. It’s not about her at all, he wants her for himself, and sometimes he’ll even grab her to try to make that happen.
Get your hands off, bro.
Don’t do that. We’re libertarians. We’re all about the Non-Aggression Principle. Becoming “That Guy” at a party or event is a fast way to get yourself uninvited from future parties and events. You can decimate your chances of getting into social circles, making friends and meeting women, because nobody will want to hang out with you.
11. Thinking You’re God’s Gift To Women
This. This. This. Look, we like confident men, but you are not God’s gift to women. Get that out of your head right now. It’s all well and good to observe your positive attributes and recognize how you can create value for someone else, but you have to walk that walk, not just talk it up. Lately I’ve been at liberty events where guys tell me how amazing they are and how women will go on a couple dates with them and then be “scared off” because the guy’s “so awesome”. They tell me how they’re reliable and trustworthy and keep their promises and how those “b*tches” are into them at first and then run off at the first sign that the woman is expected to exhibit the same level of loyalty or quality.
Forgive me, but I suspect you’re leaving out part of the story. Sure, there’s great people out there and they get dumped because they’re not exciting enough or any other number of reasons. But the level of entitlement I find in some libertarian men about how women just should like them, and how it’s the woman’s problem when, time and again, they don’t stick around, I just don’t buy it. Check yourself against every other thing on this list, but I can’t express how douchey it is to trash every woman who briefly stopped to smell your roses and didn’t like them.
12. You’re Not Good Enough
…But you can be! Please read a very special Cracked article that will make you a better person. The first point is that the world only cares about what it get can from you. This is true of all human interaction. This does not mean that every woman needs to know the size of your wallet – it means she needs to learn what you offer that she wants. It can be good company, good sex, good humor, support, love, intellectual stimulation, but she needs to figure out what you can offer her. Being “nice”, being “good intentioned” is nothing if you aren’t selling something she wants.
It’s all markets. It’s all value. Make yourself valuable and go out there, and find us single libertarian ladies. If you feel confident you’re not guilty of any of the stuff in this list, get thee to a liberty event and find yourself a unicorn. We’re out there, and we make the best girlfriends.