By R. Brownell
#1. The Overthrow of Iran
Sometimes we try and become friends with people for reasons other than their sparkling personality. In the real world, when we try and suck up to someone to get something out of them and things don’t work out, typically it’s a pretty clear sign to move on and think again. In the land of foreign affairs and diplomacy, governments just don’t take no for an answer. Overthrowing the government of Iran to protect oil exports to the west ended up putting back in power the secular Shah of Iran, who after managing to tick off everyone, led to the rise of the Ayatollah and dudes who don’t believe the Holocaust happened.
#2. The First Income Tax
Tracing its roots back to the Lincoln administration, the power to gradually collect additional taxes and create a progressive income tax grew thanks to every new war the US involved itself in. Things finally came to fruition in 1953 when the IRS was formally established by President Dwight Eisenhower. The IRS showed that it could really hurt people (not simply by demanding more money) during the recent IRS Tea Party probing scandals. Good intentions in government go sour fast in reality.
#3. The McCarthy Hearings
Don’t like your neighbors? Your wife or husband talk back to you? Accuse them of being a communist and get them arrested! The witch trials of the 1950’s spread a wave of paranoia across the US thanks to the communist threat of the USSR. Things such as the 4th Amendment were trampled all over, and simply disagreeing with certain US government activities put you in the sights of Senator Joseph McCarthy, a guy who was willing to destroy an innocent man’s reputation if it meant elevating his own, all while convincing Americans that anyone, from the family dog to the local mail man, could be a secret communist sympathizer.
#4. The EPA
Meant to become a reactionary force to clean up areas of intense pollution, and protect environmental and eco wellness, the Nixon administration ended up creating a regulation-loving monster that has tried to combat everything from Al Gore’s Global Warming to farm dust and rain water. If it were up to the EPA, our cars would run off imagination and we could stop climate change with positive thinking.
#5. Immigration Blunders
It doesn’t take long to convince anyone that the requirements to become a US citizen are kind of harsh when most of our own citizens can’t pass the US history test required even to get your foot in the door. It has been long forgotten by the strong-border, fence-building, Orwellian SB-1070, loving right that Ronald Reagan, the king of modern conservatism, gave widespread amnesty to 3 million undocumented illegal aliens. Try saying that out loud at CPAC and getting out alive.
#6. Iran-Contra Affair
Better dead than red right? Never negotiate with terrorist or enemies of freedom right? Wrong, way, way wrong if you’re in the political bubble. The Reagan administration illegally (and behind the backs of congress) sold weapons to the Iranians in order to fund the drug smuggling Contra in Nicaragua in hopes of establishing an ally in the region. This is the same Iran that wants to destroy Israel entirely, and the same Contra known for public executions just for the hell of it. Why did Reagan and Bush not get impeached for causing such a messed up global stir? Because they pulled the old “take the blame for this and I’ll be your best friend forever” high school trick on good old Ollie North.
#7. The TSA
No one likes the TSA, not even TSA agents like groping kids and old women and pissing people off, well maybe some do. Due to the air scare that petrified the world after 9/11, the Bush administration’s war on terrorism was extremely successful at treating everyone like a terrorist and throwing away certain constitutional rights like I don’t know….probable cause and the 4th amendment. Please understand, when we go to the airport and have mall cop rejects pull out our junk and our underwear for the whole world to see, it’s all in the interest of national security, so stop bitching and thank your local TSA agent for their service.
#8. The Patriot Act
Speaking of treating everyone like a terrorist, the war hawks in the Bush administration looked into their hearts and must have asked once again, “lets protect Americans by basically treating the country like a mix between 1984 and Robocop’s Detroit!” the Patriot Act is not only unconstitutional, but also a reminder that maybe it’s not a good idea to send your boyfriend that naked pic of yours or plan a trip to Cuba anytime soon, that is unless you don’t mind sharing those plans with the NSA.
#9. No Child Left Behind
The baby daddy of today’s ever so awkward Common Core, Bush’s attempt at helping our youth catch up academically only left more kids left behind in the gutters wondering where America is on a map or what an improper pronoun is. No Child Left Behind left teachers crying and pulling their hair out, parents clueless, and kids still ultimately left with standards that are far below mediocre.
#10. John Boehner
You can forgive a guy who breaks down at a funeral, or has a teary eyed moment at the end of Ol’ Yeller, but no one likes a wimp who blames the world for their problems and cries over the most stupid shit. Boehner is the product of a generation of politicians who make every American, regardless of party identification, ask themselves “why the F@#$% is this cry baby still in office?”