Trump Associates: Bolton Not Picked for Sec of State Due to Mustache

by Josh Guckert

No, it’s not The Onion. This is real news. According to some associates of President-elect Donald Trump, one of the possible reasons John Bolton was not selected to become Secretary of State is because of his famous mustache. According to some close to Trump who interviewed with The Washington Post, the next President has a certain expectation of what his Cabinet members should look like.

“That’s the language he speaks. He’s very aesthetic,” said one person familiar with the transition team’s internal deliberations who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “You can come with somebody who is very much qualified for the job, but if they don’t look the part, they’re not going anywhere.”

Several of Trump’s associates said they thought that John R. Bolton’s brush-like mustache was one of the factors that handicapped the bombastic former United Nations ambassador in the sweepstakes for secretary of state.

“Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”

Nonetheless, there are plenty of reasons Bolton would have made a terrible Secretary of State. Though their explanations are obviously only speculation, these statements by Trump associates further signal that the next four years will be quite interesting.