The Ex Girlfriend Political Spectrum Guide

By R. Brownell

Communist Candice

“You didn’t wear the pants I bought you, don’t you want to fit into the collective?!?!”

This is the ex girlfriend that you went out with because she was cute and single…and you were bored and thought “why not?” This is the girl that dresses the same as the other girls, talks about the same thing as the other girls, is interested in the same things as the other girls, you get the point. Things started to role down hill when you wanted to do something unique for a date and she snapped at you and said “how dare we be different! No one else does it that way!” Her urge to fit in and be like everyone else caused her to go and throw away all your trendy clothes, the music only you liked, and pretty much everything that made you who you are. You finally said “enough is enough!” When she told you to get the same stupid haircut as all her friends’ boyfriends. You thought maybe you could remain friends, but she blocked your number and put up an emotional Berlin Wall. Don’t try and flirt with her cute friend though, because women are just like the KGB and once they find out what’s going on, they’ll fill her mind with enough anti-you propaganda you’ll appear second to Hitler in her world.