Hillary Clinton: Woman of Destiny We Mere Plebes Should Praise

Allow me to begin by asking all of you, my fellow plebes, a question with my hyperbolic tongue placed firmly in my cheek: what has Hillary Clinton ever accomplished?

Answer: a great deal. More than most of us little people can expect to accomplish in our lives anyway. She may deserve a Sabbath day for all her work.

Ponder for a moment: the very fact that Mrs. Clinton needs no introduction is an accomplishment in and of itself. Celebrity is, after all, an unique form of currency not easily procured and not easily maintained. Celebrities are always the most accomplished and intelligent people in the room, else they would not be known in the first place. People are never famous just for being famous. It would be absurdly rude to suggest anything to the contrary and doubly absurdly rude to ever ask a famous person to list their achievements. If one must ask why a famous person is famous, one is probably not famous enough to merit an answer.

So, I will do all of you who impishly insist on a list of Mrs. Clinton’s feats a favor. I will spare you all the embarrassment of asking such a naughty question again, and give you a bit of the skinny on Lady Clinton’s marvel of a life in three sentences:

1. Undeterred by the vicissitudes and turmoils of public service, she has served as a graceful First Lady, an august Senator, and an ardent Secretary of State. As we all know, titles trump substance.
   
2. Seeming to possess an indefatigable personal constitution, she has jet set around the globe meeting international leaders, sat on corporate boards, advanced nation legislative reforms, and engaged in high level diplomatic negotiations. As we all know, we must respect the plutocracy.
   
3. And willing to make and admit and make mistakes in the best traditions of great Statesmen, she has voted for war before she stood against war only to go on to promote more war again. As we all know, inconsistency is a sign of greatness.
   

See, she has done a great deal. And let me assure you, this list is hardly exhaustive.

Yet, for she all has accomplished, it is not enough.

No, Hillary Rodham Clinton remains insatiable. Her ambition knows no bounds. She will not rest until someway, someday, somehow she has become President of the United States.

May we all hope to fall on bended knee, kiss her ring, and bask in such a glorious moment.

We little people must understand: she must do whatever is necessary to win the Presidency and take her rightful place in history as heiress to the lionized Statesmen of past. This working gal’s Henry Kissinger: her rightful perch is at the highest levels of power, as a visionary steward of the a new 21st Century World Order, directing the chess pieces of our lives through American leadership.

To question this, her destiny, would be the height of hubris. Yet, some people are foolishly questioning this fate. Hubris must be poisoning the water.

So, who are these malcontents poisoning the well-spring of our future? Who are these conspirators weaving false tales of her legal improprieties and lack of wisdom? Do not these vicious conspirators understand that great people such as Mrs. Clinton must make and break their own rules on occasion? Does not this incorrigible rabble comprehend that Stateswomen do not have luxury of always having a choice between good and evil? That sometimes the only choice is between many evils?

This so called “email scandal” they speak of in their right wing echo chambers is hardly a pockmark on Mrs. Clinton. If anything it is a pox on the houses of the accusers. For instance, who is this Mr. Edward Klein making the rounds spreading vicious rumors against our soon to be future leader? He may claim he knows those who know Mrs. Clinton. What a sewer pipe sucker! He may claim she told our illustrious President Obama to “call off your fucking dogs, Barack!” What a gutter mind he has! He may claim she has been told to seek legal advice for setting up her own independent communications, that she may very be indicted for sending classified government secrets in violation of federal law. But these are only claims.

Sometimes where there is smoke there is no fire, Mr. Klein. No fire at all. 

And who is this Will Inboden? Look at his outrageous claims:

“…for those who still wonder what the big fuss is about setting up a private server instead of using official State Department email, in a nutshell it is this: as dictated by law, policy, and plain good sense, all executive branch officials are subject to a basic mandate on official communications. That mandate is this: emails and other records are 1) to be protected and secured from foreign government surveillance, and 2) to be preserved so that at a later time and after appropriate declassification procedures they are the property of the American public for transparency, accountability, and scholarship. Clinton, perversely, twisted and reversed this mandate. By setting up a private server and account, she made her emails accessible and subject to exploitation by hostile foreign governments, yet kept her emails secret from the American people. This would have been deeply problematic even if her emails did not contain any technically classified information; the fact that they did contain classified information is even more worrisome.”

Ah, I know who Mr. Inboden is. He is a supporter of that nefarious tortoise, Jeb Bush. Let me suggest something to you Mr. Inboden: there is such a thing as too much Bush. We have had enough Bushes lead us into peril. Twice is enough. Twice is just right. Three is right out. We’ve reached peak Bush. So why not let us have a second Clinton instead? Leave your shell-shocked buddy behind and allow me to dissuade you of your “email scandal” allegations.

Many powerful people have treated their time in public service as a private affair (and no, I am not speaking of Mr. Clinton). To suggest now that Mrs. Clinton’s public affairs be seriously treated as a public matter smacks of sexism. Where were you and the rest of your right wing conspirators when the great Mr. Kissinger sealed his public records? As the National Security Archive executive director Tom Blanton has remarked, “There’s a long track record of secretaries of state having real problems keeping records available for posterity.”

Do you people not understand precedent and connections trumps law when it comes to powerful people?

I can only conclude you do not understand this. That you believe law is actually equal for all. What naivete! Such naivete that I now suspect you dare to question Mrs. Clinton’s vast fame and record of achievements.

But let me tell you: Hillary Rodham Clinton is a woman of destiny. Nothing you try to do will alter this course history has set us upon.

You may think otherwise, but your hubris will only serve as your undoing.