Conversations With a Socialist: Millennial “Revolutionaries” Oppose Freedom

By: Laura Meyers

I’m the president of College Republicans at my school, and last night I tabled at my university club fair.  We were wearing matching pro-Reagan t-shirts, and super frat red and blue sunglasses which said “College Republicans: The Best Party on Campus.”

We hosted a poll that was made by glueing funny faces of the top Republican presidential candidates and two Democratic candidates, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, on a cardboard tri-fold.

During the event, we had quite a few unsuspecting, fairly normally dressed bimbos belly up to the table to place their votes for Donald Trump while laughing and nodding their head like it was game time. They hurried away after, either afraid of further questioning or embarrassment. I’m not sure which.

Other voters came up, asked about the club, took some of the free swag, said “Thank you,” then methodically placing their vote on the board.

But that night, the other College Republicans board members and I saw something. We saw Bernie Sanders fans troll our table in the same fashion as the Trump fans. They saw the board, they saw his hair, and they passionately rushed forward to draw that two-inch long, squiggly line for socialism. However, instead of nodding like Mike Tyson, they either walked away while proudly announcing “Feel the Bern!” or turned and ducked their head while they rushed back to their giggling friend group, who was to shy to vote.

(It is also worth noting that both Trump and Sanders fans had something else thing in common. Neither voter group knew to put their tally across the other four when it was the fifth vote in the sequence. Coincidence or ignorance? I think it’s a pattern of the latter. But what do I know? I’m just a kid.)

We witnessed something else though… something even scarier than the amount of Sanders votes which overwhelmed any other single candidate on the board.

I managed to corner a Sanders fan before he was about to slip away. I asked in the kindest way I knew how “Hey, can I just ask you a quick question? I’m not going to argue with you. I just want to ask a question.”

He obliged, and so it went as such:

Me: Why Bernie Sanders?
Voter: Because I’m a liberal who doesn’t like Hillary.
Me: Why are you a liberal?
Voter: Because I like big government.
Me: You like other people telling you what to do?
Voter: Yeah.
Me: Okay. Have a nice day.

I was left dumbfounded. I mean, I’ve seen this philosophy among my peers before. I have a Facebook. But to agree to the most blatant proposal of centralized control? Like they don’t care at all?

No, they don’t. They want it. They crave it. And they will campaign for it.

Millennial revolutionaries do not want liberation. This new brand of revolutionaries want to be coddled by the centralized nanny state of the federal government.

Hipster political progressives hate old, white men, unless, of course, those men promise them free stuff.

As laughable as this was last night, it scared the crap out of me.

This is a revolution never seen before. This is not a revolution against “The Man.” It’s a revolution for him. Millennials would Snapchat “The Man” a dick pic with permission to screenshot in a heartbeat if it meant “free college.”

And the problem is that my peers don’t understand basic economics. We’ve never had to rough it, because our lives are so enriched. Our lives are so blessed by the fruits of capitalism and the hard work of our grandparents that we’ve taken it all for granted and have turned on the hand that has literally fed us and billions of other starving people around the world for the past century.

Thanks, Monsanto.

The image of a hippy in my young, impressionable brain has officially changed. It’s not the peace-loving, Man-hating pot head I’ve come to know. It’s the well-tatted, moustached Bernie worshipper, who is the result of too much Reddit and too few finance classes, who loves gay people more than you do because there’s a rainbow in their profile picture.

Lord help us.